I never imagined I’d be writing this, but here I am, needing to vent and share the valuable lesson my husband learned the hard way.
I’m 32 and stepping into motherhood. My husband, Dave, is 34 and has always had a bit of a complicated relationship with his mother. Marlene is the type of mother who called for every little thing, expecting him to drop everything and come as soon as she needed.
“Hey, Aria,” Dave would say. “Mom needs me, I’ll be right back.” And he would dash out of the house, ready to save the day.
I used to find it endearing until the day I went into labor. I was at 38 weeks, and I knew that the time was coming. One evening, I felt the contractions start. Everything was going smoothly until I was about six hours into the agonizing labor.
“Just breathe, darling,” Dave said, squeezing my hand. “Before you know it, our little girl will be here!”
But then, Dave’s phone rang, and he quickly stepped out into the hall to take the call. When he came back, he seemed a bit agitated. Then, just a few minutes later, his phone buzzed with a text message. He read it and looked concerned, his eyes darting all over the room as he was lost in his thoughts.
“What’s going on?” I asked, already feeling anxious and vulnerable.
He looked at me, almost annoyed that I had the audacity to ask him. “I need to go, Aria. But it will be quick. I’ll be quick, promise.”
“What?” I gasped, wincing as another contraction hit me. “Dave, I need you right here. I need you to be with me! Our baby is coming!”
He sighed deeply. “I know. Of course, I know that,” he said, barely making eye contact. “But it’s my mom, and she said that she needs my help desperately.”
“For what?” I nearly shouted. “You’re leaving me here for your mother? I’m sure she’s fine!”
“I’ll be right back, Aria,” he said. “I swear.” He kissed my forehead before rushing out.
I couldn’t believe that he would actually do this. It made absolutely no sense. I knew that my husband loved being there for his mother, but to actually leave his wife during labor?
Was this really the man I married?
I felt abandoned in one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I tried to focus on the labor, paying attention to my breathing and whatever my body was going through. But then, my phone buzzed with a text from Dave.
I’ll be back soon, Aria. I promise. Mom just needs some help.
Did something happen? Is she okay?
No, she’s fine. She just bought groceries, and they’re too heavy.
Are you serious right now, Dave? I’m in labor, and you left me for groceries?
Yes, I am serious. And stop being so selfish, Aria. My mom needs me.
I was in shock. My blood pressure began to rise, alerting one of the nurses.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” she said, glancing at the monitor displaying my vitals.
I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know how to utter a full sentence without breaking down completely.
“Tell me, darling,” the nurse said. “It will be better to let it out.”
“My husband left me here,” I said between deep breaths. “His mom needed help with her groceries, and he… left.”
The nurse’s eyes widened in disbelief. “He left you while you’re in labor? For groceries? Oh, honey!”
“Yes,” I whispered, feeling the weight of the situation crush me.
“Is there anyone else we can call? Someone to just hold your hand while your husband comes back?” the nurse asked.
I nodded. “My dad,” I said. “He lives a few roads away, and I know he’ll come here.”
Thankfully, my dad was around the corner, getting fast food, when I called, and he rushed over with his food.
“Darling,” he said, walking into the room, the smell of fried chicken taking over. “Where’s Dave?” he asked.
I told my father the truth, about how Dave had left me. And as I did, the contractions hit more frequently. My little girl was on the way.
“Please, Gloria,” I told the kind nurse. “Can you record the birth? I wanted my husband to do it, but he has the video recorder with him.”
“Of course, darling,” Gloria said. “I’ll get an intern in to do it, while I hold onto your hand the entire time.”
Not long after, I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Gabrielle, without Dave by my side. Instead, I had Gloria on one side and my dad on the other.
As I held my newborn daughter in my arms, the emotions overwhelmed me. Joy, love, and sadness intertwined. My dad sat beside me, his eyes filled with pride and concern.
“He’ll regret this, sweetheart,” my dad said softly. “But right now, you need to focus on your baby girl.”
I nodded, tears spilling down my cheeks.
“I can’t believe that he left us, Dad,” I said. “How could he choose her over us? Will our lives be like this forever? If it were a genuine emergency, then I’d understand. But this?”
“Dave will have to live with that decision,” my dad replied. “But you’re strong, and you have people who love you. We’ll get through this.”
Later, when it was certain that Gabi and I were fine and healthy and ready to be discharged, my dad took us to his house. When Dave finally made it to the hospital, we were gone. He texted and called, but I didn’t respond.
Instead, I left a letter for Dave with Gloria. My father was also someone who never left home without his laptop.
“Dad, do you have a flash drive?” I asked him before we left.
“Of course,” he said, searching his laptop bag. “Why?”
“I’m going to save the birth video on it, and leave it here for Dave.”
My father looked at me closely before nodding.
“Please, just give him this letter and this flash drive,” I said to her as we got ready to leave.
The letter read:
Dear Dave,
This is what you missed. This is the once-in-a-lifetime moment you chose to skip. I needed you more than ever, and you left me. Our daughter deserved to have both her parents there for her first moments in this world. This video shows the strength and resilience you’ll never get to witness first-hand.
I hope you understand the pain and disappointment you’ve caused. Maybe now you’ll realize the sacrifice that comes with being a husband and father.
-Aria & Gabi
A few days later, my father invited our closest family to introduce Gabrielle. I didn’t invite Dave. I knew that it was a cold gesture, but I didn’t want to see him.
He showed up at my father’s place anyway, looking remorseful and desperate.
“Please, let me explain,” he said, his voice trembling as he approached me.
I crossed my arms, staring at the man I had married. “Explain what? That you thought groceries were more important than your daughter being born?”
“I’m sorry, Aria,” he said. “I was torn between you and Mom. And I didn’t know what to do. I chose wrong. Please, forgive me. I’ll do anything to make it right.”
“You left me in the most vulnerable moment of my life, Dave,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “How can I trust you after that?”
“I know I messed up,” he said. “I know I hurt you. But I want to make it right.”
I refused to speak.
“I hate myself for it,” he said. “I’ll never forgive myself. Please, let me be here for you and our daughter. Let me prove that I can be the father she deserves.”
“This is your one and only chance, Dave,” I said. “You need to show me, not just tell me, that you can be the man we need,” I said firmly.
He nodded vigorously. “I swear, Aria, I will never let you down again.”
One evening, as we were putting our daughter to bed, Dave turned to me, his eyes filled with sincerity. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m truly sorry. I never want to miss another moment.”
I know that my husband has apologized profusely, but I’m still waiting for my mother-in-law to apologize, too.
