My husband always praises and compliments his sister-in-law like she is the most perfect human being. Even when she is not around, he talks about her. It makes me feel awful compared to her. One day, I taught him a lesson that nearly made him cry.
My husband, Jerry, and I have been married for almost four years. We have two beautiful children, and while our lives have been busy and chaotic, we’ve managed to keep our relationship strong.
Besides the occasional arguments, there is one thing Jerry does that annoys me. I don’t know if my husband does this on purpose or if just has a low EQ, but he knows that it bothers me yet he still does it.
He thinks the sun shines out of his sister-in-law’s bottom. He sees her as a goddess, the embodiment of perfection. Nothing she says or does is wrong. Whenever we visit her, Jerry talks about her for three to four days afterward like he is in a trance. He compliments LITERALLY EVERYTHING she does.
One would think he was cheating, but I am sure he is not. They don’t even talk besides the times we all get together. Is he in love with her? I have no idea, but he is definitely insensitive towards my feelings.
His sister-in-law, Grace, is married to Jerry’s brother, Martin. She’s always been the picture-perfect homemaker: three kids, an immaculate house, homemade meals. She somehow always looks put together. She makes motherhood seem so easy.
I’ve always admired her but never felt the need to compete. However, Jerry’s constant praise of her started to wear me down. One of our recent visits got the best of me, so I decided to give my husband a taste of his own medicine.
We visited last weekend to see their new baby. I swear he was paying more attention to her and the baby than he ever did to me or any of our children. He complimented everything about her, from how she looked to how clean the house was to the delicious food.
“Wow, Grace! No one would ever think you had just given birth. You look incredible!” he said as we entered their home.
He even praised how she made the bread and how she managed to recall our favorite dishes and desserts. “You are a superwoman,” he said. “Definitely limited edition.” I literally had it with him and said “enough” a couple of times, but he just ignored me. Meanwhile, Grace just giggled and welcomed the compliments.
At one point, she noticed that I was no longer comfortable with Jerry’s admiration. She would try to instead compliment me, but it was like my husband heard nothing.
Even when we arrived home, the praising continued. “Honey, isn’t it amazing how Grace can manage three kids and keep their home so neat and clean? What does that woman take?!” I tried to change the topic several times and even showed him I was annoyed. Still, Jerry kept going on as if he couldn’t take a hint.
I had enough. So, yesterday, when we went to his sister-in-law’s again, I decided to turn the tables. As soon as we arrived, I started laying it on thick. We had a barbecue on their patio and Martin was behind the grilling. “Isn’t Martin amazing?” I said to Jerry’s sister-in-law. “He helps out so much. On top off that, he hasn’t succumbed to the dad bod yet. He’s incredible.”
My husband looked at me, startled, while his sister-in-law’s eyes widened. But I wasn’t done. “He is so fit in his 40s!” True enough, Martin was in shape and regularly went to the gym. He also watched what he ate.
I continued, ignoring the increasingly tense atmosphere. As we were about to go home, I noticed their new patio decor and added it to my list of compliments. “Did you build those, Martin?” I asked. “Wow, you have golden hands. Jerry can’t even screw in a light bulb,” I quipped.
My brother-in-law, Martin, beamed at all the compliments. But his wife, Grace, and my husband, Jerry, visibly looked awkward. Jerry’s face turned red, and he started fidgeting.
When I mentioned how great Martin’s hair was, Jerry, who had hair problems and was slowly becoming bald, suddenly ran to our car.
I excused myself and went after him. I found him in our car, nearly crying. “Okay, I got it,” he said. “My brother is better than me in everything, so why did you marry me then?”
Jerry went on to say that he has always been compared to his brother. However, hearing it from me made it sting even more. He went on to accuse me of being in love with his brother, and I just laughed.
I took a deep breath and replied calmly, “I just did the same thing you’ve been doing to me for the last few years.”
“What do you mean?” he replied.
“I mean, you always praise Grace in front of my face. You’re so obsessed with her that you talk about her even when we’re no longer in their home. You make her seem like a goddess! Maybe YOU are in love with her!”
He was silent for a moment, then drove home suddenly. He was quiet for the rest of the evening and went to bed much earlier than usual.
The next morning, he came to me with flowers and an apology. “I’m so sorry, Penelope,” he began. “I appreciated Grace’s housekeeping skills because it was hard for me to manage work and house chores. I wasn’t complimenting her in comparison to you. I was complimenting her in comparison to ME.”
He added, “I have been feeling like a lousy husband when it comes to household work, and I just wish I could be more like her. But I hadn’t realized how my words affected you. I promise to become a better husband and pay you more attention.”
I looked at him, holding the bouquet, his eyes filled with remorse and tears about to fall. Part of me wanted to believe him, to forgive and move on. But another part of me was still hurt, still stinging from the months of feeling second best.
The next few weeks were a mixture of cautious hope and lingering doubt. Jerry started making small changes. He was helping more around the house, planning surprise date nights, and most importantly, expressing genuine appreciation for everything I did.
Maybe everything he said was true, but the fact that my husband felt that way meant I did something or didn’t do something. Was I lacking in making him feel appreciated? Was he just that insensitive to my feelings?
Unlike Jerry, another husband has been making his wife feel wonderful. At 50, he began to change into the man he was when she fell in love.
