My stepchildren treated me like their real mom for many years, but when their biological mother reappeared, everything changed. They pushed me to my limits until I left their home. Days later, they were begging for me to return.
I’ve been married to my husband, Tommy, for six years. He has a pair of 16-year-old twins, Jack and Lily, whose mother hasn’t been in their lives since they were eight.
When Tommy and I got together, we went to family therapy, and I made it clear I wasn’t there to replace their mom. We wanted to make sure that I entered their lives seamlessly, without it doing any harm to the children’s mental and emotional well-being.
Everything has been wonderful for the past six years, and I think a big factor is because of therapy. The twins even started calling me mom around age 12 or 13. However, things took a turn for the worse in the past months.
Their biological mom, Maggie, waltzed her way back into their lives. The kids were doubtful at first but eventually became thrilled to have her back. I, too, was happy to see the twins build a relationship with their biological mom.
However, after about six months of spending time with Maggie, they began calling me by my real name, Carol. It hurt, but I never questioned it. It was their right to call me by my first name, given that the title of “Mom” belonged to someone else.
But things went downhill from there. They started being very disrespectful to me, snubbing me at times when they came home late. They no longer followed the curfew rules, stopped cleaning up after themselves, and began talking back to me. What hurt most was emphasizing that I wasn’t their real mom.
Three weeks ago, there was a big blowup where the twins CALLED ME NAMES. I tear up every time I remember them cussing at me. They even accused me of being the reason why their parents separated. This was false because I only met Tommy two years after the breakup. When I stood my ground and got mad at them for being disrespectful, they left to live with Maggie.
Tommy knew what had happened and didn’t back me up. He said nothing to his children and claimed it was their right to live with their mother if they wanted to. I felt heartbroken and disrespected.
To teach them and my husband a lesson, I canceled our planned vacation to Disney World. They didn’t believe I would cancel the already paid outing, but when Thursday night rolled around and I didn’t start the usual vacation preparations, they were shocked.
The twins were furious. Jack and Lily called me jealous, selfish, and horrible. “You’re just jealous because our mom is back and you’re nothing again. We never liked you to begin with!” Lily said. Tommy just stood there, silent.
“Tommy, are you going to step in here?” I asked, hoping for some support.
“You were wrong for canceling, Carol,” he said quietly.
That was the last straw. I packed my bag and went to stay in a hotel. Tommy blew up my phone with calls and texts, asking me to return. He claimed I was overreacting and shouldn’t have canceled the trip in the first place.
Yesterday, he told me that Maggie had disappeared again. The twins returned to their father’s house and asked where I was. When the father revealed that I had left due to their behavior over the last few months, the kids began crying. He also told them that I was filing for divorce.
Jack and Lily suddenly realized that I was a major mother figure in their lives. They also came to acknowledge the fact that as soon as their biological mother realized she would have to take care of her kids instead of partying, she quickly left without saying goodbye.
The kids were in tears. They called me asking for forgiveness and asking me to return. I knew I could easily forgive them, but doubted ever returning. I was not only angry at the kids for disrespecting me but also furious that my husband didn’t support me. The kids sincerely apologized, but Tommy didn’t ask for forgiveness. He only asked me to return.
I was firm in my decision to divorce Tommy over the phone, shocking him. However, I told the kids they could visit my new home and live there whenever they would like to as I loved them dearly. “Sorry, Tommy. I don’t know how you can say you love me but watch other people disrespect me and do nothing,” I told him.
The kids were upset about my decision but understood how wrong they were and how their father let me down.
I am well aware that their mother was manipulating them. I also know they are not yet adults and mature enough to grasp the gravity of the situation then. This is why I forgave them and still want them as my children, but the same can’t be said for Tommy.
After a few days, Tommy called me again. This time, he was more composed.
“Carol, please, let’s talk,” he pleaded.
“Tommy, there’s nothing left to say. You didn’t support me when I needed it most,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.
“The kids are devastated. They realized they were wrong. Can’t you just come back home and talk to them?” he begged.
“I’m not coming back, Tommy. Not to our marriage. But I’ll come over to see Jack and Lily,” I said.
When I arrived at the house, the twins ran to me, tears streaming down their faces.
“Carol, we’re so sorry,” Lily sobbed. “We were wrong. We didn’t mean those things we said.”
Jack nodded, tears in his eyes. “We were just so excited to have Mom back. But when she left again…we realized how much we hurt you.”
I hugged them both tightly, feeling their pain and regret. “I love you both so much. But this isn’t just about what you said. There is a bigger issue at hand between your father and I.”
“Please don’t leave us,” Lily whispered. “I’m not leaving you. You can visit me anytime, and you’re always welcome at my new place,” I reassured them.
Tommy stood there, silent. He still hadn’t apologized. He just looked defeated.
“Tommy, I’m moving out. I’ll be back to get my things. I hope you understand why I have to do this,” I said, my voice breaking.
“I understand, Carol. I’m sorry,” he finally whispered, but it was too late.
As I packed my things, I felt a mix of sadness and relief. Sadness about the end of my marriage, but relief that I was taking a stand for myself. The twins helped me pack, and we talked about how we could still be a family, just in a different way.
As I left, Jack and Lily hugged me tightly. “We love you, Carol,” they said in unison. “I love you too,” I replied, tears streaming down my face. “We’ll get through this. Together.”
Over the next few weeks, I moved into my new place. The twins visited often, and we slowly began to rebuild our relationship. They apologized sincerely, and I could see they were genuinely remorseful.
Now, as I reflect on everything that happened, I wonder if I did the right thing by saving my relationship with my stepkids while divorcing Tommy. Did I make the right choice? Was it worth it to prioritize my self-respect and emotional well-being over maintaining a marriage where I felt unsupported?
While Carol didn’t get her happily ever after, another woman did. And that at the age of 50.
